Overall, I’ve been in a pretty positive disposition over this whole titanium rod with two screws in the hip thing. It is what it is. However, last night I started thinking about the thing I really miss the most since my surgery and the thing I want to do more than anything, but can’t. Nope, it’s not running. It actually doesn’t even have anything to do with working out. Shocking, I know. It’s actually quite simple. The thing I want to do so badly but can’t is…. bend my leg.
I want to sit on the floor, cross my legs, do pigeon pose, tie my own shoes, cross my left leg over my right leg, or anything else that involves bending my leg. But I can’t. My hip rotates about 10 degrees out and 10 degrees in. Far from what I’m use to. I’ve always thought of myself as having pretty flexible hips. I could easily do pigeon pose, sit however I wanted, and bend and rotate in whatever direction I pleased. You know that quad stretch that runners always do where they grab their ankles? Yea, I can’t even do that. My days of doing dancer pose are just a memory and the thought of doing it once again is in the very, very far future. It makes me so sad.
This morning, as I was getting ready for my first strength training workout since Boston, I sat and looked at my left shoe contemplating how I was going to put it on. After five minutes of trying many awkward (and somewhat painful) positions to get the shoe on, I gave up. I finally asked Mario for help. I never realized how much hip flexibility mattered. Every night when I sleep, I have to sleep flat on my back with my feet elevated on a pillow. Before, I liked to curl up to fall asleep. Sadly, that’s not happening anytime soon. With a range of motion of about 10 degrees, I basically have to keep my legs straight at all times. I wake up at least once a night trying to get comfortable and it’s quite frustrating. Then I spend about 30 minutes every morning doing my physical therapy exercises, and the effort to get from point A to point B is always taxing. Just a month ago, I was doing handstands, backbends, stretching, getting up and down on the floor without requiring any type of assistance, and now I can’t do any of those things. Yes, I realize the past is the past and that doesn’t really matter now. But when I think about what I was able to do 30 short days ago and what I can’t do now, it bums me out.
Yesterday I wrote about the awesomeness of the human body. I know my body will adapt and it will change. It just needs time. I know I will have to work pretty damn hard to get to the point of where I once was. Even then, I don’t know if I’ll have the flexibility I once possessed. My problem is patience. I have never been a patient soul and I want to see big results now. In my head I keep thinking If I can just go to yoga, this process will move along a lot more quickly. But I know I must wait. It hasn’t even been two weeks and my body is still healing. I just miss bending my leg and tying my own shoes. Is that wrong? I don’t think I’ll ever take my flexibility for granted ever again, because right night, I sure do miss it.
Happy Trails and Happy Running,
(PS: On a more positive note, I got to drive for the first time in over three weeks today. It was so liberating!)